You know when you are in the middle of something super serious, like a wedding, and you start laughing uncontrollably, and you can’t stop? The fact that you NEED to stop makes it even more funny, so you laugh even harder? Basically you just have to remove yourself from the situation because there is no way you will be able to get your crap together.

Well, I am convinced that is how a child feels the second you bring your babies to church.

You ask them to sit still, be quiet, not ask questions, pay attention, stop laughing, and not have to go to the bathroom 12 times…so inevitably, that is all they do. They just want to be set free.

My kids love people. You put them in close proximity of another human being and they want to find out their name, if they have a dog, why they are wearing pants and why their kid has red hair. I dare you to ask them to be quiet and not move.

We are in the stage of “don’t even attempt to bring babies into the church, just go straight to the cry room”.

We have our own spots. They’re basically indented with the shape of our butts. They have our names on them, but not really.

Today, as with any other Sunday we entered the ‘cry room’ and it was packed with other families. Nova immediately asked for her water, so we pull out the 50 pound diaper bag and give her water. She disappeared as she wandered the room seeing if she can make a quick friend as I tried to recite the prayers.

She squeezed through people in another aisle and I took a step out of our aisle to take her to the back of the room to talk to her. I headed back there and waited for her and held up 1 finger, then 2, and she bolted toward me. “Whaaaaat mom!?” I crouched down and started authoritatively whispering…like there is such a thing…

“You are not allowed to run around in here. You cannot walk through the aisles and disrupt people. We are here for Jesus and you need to be respectful.”

She listens. Alleluia.

10 minutes later Knox wandered away and she found him and preached:

“Knox you cannot disrupt people. You need to stay in our aisle.”

…while she grabbed his hand and led him back to us. Well…that means she heard me, right?

Meanwhile, there’s a sermon happening. Oh, that’s right. Pay attention.

I half listened as I pulled out a snack for Knox who was fussing because it was his nap time. I gave him a snack.

Nova wanted a book or a toy or something to keep her occupied. I gave her something and she laughed then mocked something Father Paul said in his sermon that he clearly didn’t know a 3 year old was paying attention to.

We all laugh. I am once again reminded, there’s a sermon going on, pay attention Angel.

It’s probably the most fun and beautiful thing ever, to bring your kids to church. If you have ever said that, I think you’re nuts and I would like to know what drugs you are taking because I may bum some off of you.

It is a session of being referee. Keep them fed, keep them quiet, make sure they aren’t disruptive, make sure they understand why you are there in the first place.

Oh the pressure. We so easily lose sight of the real reason we are even there.

Love.

I caught myself saying to Eric at one point “This is so pointless!”

How many times I have felt that way…too many to count. Frequently wondering “why do I bring my babies to church? UGH!”

It’s because I lost sight of why I was there. It wasn’t FOR me. I became frustrated because I was worried about myself. I wanted to get something out of the sermon. I wanted them to be quiet so I could enjoy the music. It was about me, when it should have been about Him and them.

How human of me, to turn Mass into something about me.

I had to remind myself how important it is that they know how much He loves them. That is why we take our babies to church on Sunday.

I want them to know Him.

I want them to see that we prioritized Him.

I want them to know His love for them.

I want them to know our love for them and to know it doesn’t even compare to how much He loves them.

It did feel pointless, bringing my babies to church, because I was emotionally drained. I was overstimulated from crying babies, fussing toddlers, choirs singing, and trying to play referee all at the same time. I know it will feel that way again, and that’s OK. However, I will know in that moment to redirect myself to why we are there in the first place. I will change my perspective. I will remind myself it is all about love.

Love.

Father initiated the Our Father and out of nowhere Nova sat on the chair next to me, hands folded and started reciting it…word for word…in the most beautiful chipmunk voice. It brought tears to my eyes.

She knows Him. She loves Him. She will remember this.

Church ended without much more than the normal chaos and we headed home. Phew, one more time we made it through bringing our babies to church.

Eric dropped us off and headed to the airport to get my mom and stepdad from their flight. I headed upstairs to finally put Knox down for his morning nap and Nova asked if she could be with us and I said of course as long as she is quiet.

We sat in his rocking chair, white noise on and all the lights off except his nightlight. Nova said “Knox we need to pray…Our Father, who art…” and continued the prayer. He watched her so lovingly and mimicked her hands. I watched as though it was a movie and these weren’t my children.

She ended the prayer and said

“Ok, Knox what was your favorite part of the day?”

As though I’m not even there, she asked him a question we ask her every night at bedtime and pulled out his plug so he could answer through babbles.

“Mom, he said going to church was his favorite part!”

I sat there in tears and I asked her what her favorite part was.

“My favorite part was going to church Mom, just like Knox”

God’s gentle reminder, that I am oh so grateful for today. That alone gives me the strength I need to play referee for a few more years and continue to bring my babies to church.