The Best Surprise I’ve Ever Received

20 months ago I found out we were going to be a family of 4. We were on a family walk and Nova pulled me down to my knees so she could touch my belly. It was very odd. She had never done that before and I thought she was just being silly. She lifted my shirt and said “baby”. I laughed and pulled my shirt down and said “you’re so silly! There’s no baby in there!” I looked at Eric like…what the…and we both laughed. Days later, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and took a test. It was positive but I thought I was holding it upside down or backwards, or something. Truly, I have never been so shocked in my entire life. It took me a few minutes to realize it didn’t matter which way you hold it, 2 lines means you’re pregnant, Angel. Be smarter than the pregnancy test.

I grew up around children. I had a large family with lots of cousins and siblings, so I had always been exposed to young children. From my exposure, I had a good idea of what having a child meant, and it’s a big reason why Eric and I chose to wait until 6 years into our marriage to seriously visit the topic. We knew our whole life would change.

In 2015, our life did change with Nova, but in my head, having another one almost 2.5 years later meant even more of a drastic change. She was now a toddler and very independent and we had each worked our way back into our own individual routines and family routines…and it was scary to imagine how that was going to change again.

When I found out I was pregnant with Knox, I was terrified. I feared everything imaginable. How will I split my time? How will I still have time to prioritize me and our marriage? How in the world will I ever be able to handle 2 kids on my own when Eric is away? How will we be able to continue traveling? I just started getting used to sleeping again, how will I be able to handle no sleep again? How can I take my career to the next level and have two small children?

Overthinking, obsessing, not being present or taking it one step at a time.

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, there wasn’t much time for joy as I was under a tremendous amount of stress. Nova was hospitalized and they told us it may require traveling to a Children’s Hospital out of state and it happened as I was about to be taking a pass/fail exam for work. An exam which in essence meant whether or not I could keep my current position. (An exam I ultimately failed by 1 point, was passed over for a transfer and then was left unemployed) Her hospitalization came after breaking her arm at daycare, which then resulted in us no longer having her at that daycare. It felt as though one thing was piling on top of another and I did not have any energy left to focus on my precious pregnancy. Even so, I was so lucky. I had such a fantastic pregnancy, even more so the second time around. Eric was so supportive and encouraged me to get to yoga every day and take care of myself and the baby…and I did just that. It was even more essential to my sanity and health at that point.

My pregnancy was textbook aside from me measuring small the entire time. At one point I was measuring 6 weeks behind and my doctor found it necessary to do an ultrasound and check on the amniotic fluid. He was always doing great, he was just squished in there tight and I was very uncomfortable. 38 weeks

My 40 week appointment came the day before his due date and my sister and her family from California were going to be in North Dakota visiting. I wanted to spend a lot of time with them and hopefully introduce the baby but as you probably know, babies come on their own time! That afternoon I started having contractions. I didn’t take it very seriously. I kept playing with Nova and they started getting closer and closer together so I started timing them on an app on my phone. I knew it was real when I had to crouch down, stop playing and breathe through them so I called my mom to come sit with Nova while we go get checked out. 

Eric and I headed to the doctor after he gave his parents a heads up that if it was real, they could take over for my mom. As real as it felt, it didn’t because the pregnancy went so fast due to all the life circumstances, and I was nervous that I hadn’t done enough mental preparation. I had literally just finished his nursery the week before.

As nervous as I was, I was so excited to meet this boy. From the second I found out I was pregnant I told Eric I knew his personality and described how he looked and acted. Call it intuition, I don’t know, I truly knew him before I met him.

We got to the hospital and they started monitoring me. 

We waited for my doctor and he said “well we are going to check you in and meet this baby tonight!” We were both in shock, and ecstatic. 

So as I labored, like any normal person, I took a selfie and sent it to family letting them know THIS IS IT!

A short but intense 7 hours later our precious Knox was born, on his due date. Just being perfect, you know, like his mom. He was exactly as I had imagined and his personality was spot on with what I believed I knew. He was perfect. 

(Sleeper and Blanket: Kickee Pants)

You know those times in life where you let your brain play tricks on you and freak you out about something that is super fantastic? Yeah, well this was one of those times.

I spent the next 6 weeks in absolute heaven as Eric was off that entire time too. He is a teacher and having a baby mid summer was the BOMB! We spent so much time together with our little family, and I will always be grateful for that time.

Seriously, could they get any cuter?! Gaaah! My boys.

Introducing Nova was such a precious memory. She immediately wanted to take care of him and to this day, she still thinks she is responsible for him. Little mama bear.

She lovingly refers to him as “Knoxer the Boxer” or “Knox-e” rarely using his given name. From the second meeting him, if he would fuss, she’d race to get to him first. She would console him and tell him everything is going to be ok. She frequently is upset that she cannot quite hold his hand in the car. Her first question when getting in the car after daycare was always “do I get to see Knox now?”

It is hard to truly describe how connected they are and it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. 

Sleeper and Blanket: Kickee Pants

He has been an absolute perfect addition for our family. He balances Nova’s spunk so well and she brings out the giggles in him. The joy that he has brought to our family is indescribeable. I truly cannot believe he is no longer a baby, that those days are gone and just as precious and exciting ones are to come.

God knew I needed the peace he brings. He is so calm, sweet, all about touch and snuggles, and his go with the flow type of personality puts all of us at ease. He is everything we never knew we were missing.

You are so loved Knox. You are going to do incredible things in life. I will strive every day to love you the way God loves you. You have brought so much peace and love into my life and I will forever be grateful for you.

Happy 1st Birthday Knox!

Outfit: Target